all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
