He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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