i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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