walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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