i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize