Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
