just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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