Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
