after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
