I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
