it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do herpes really smell.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
