my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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