I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize