He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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