i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
