my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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