Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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