Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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