I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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