i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
