Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
