i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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