ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
