Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
