dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
