You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
