Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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