We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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