I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
