He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
