Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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