rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i believe in u and ur pee
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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