I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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