went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
