i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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