I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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