i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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