i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
