im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
