man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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