i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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