yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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