I don't think brook has ever known best
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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