seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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