and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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