i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
