Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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