hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize