You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
