I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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