You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
