he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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