The beer is more important than you right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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