Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
