Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
