Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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