there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
