im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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