wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't motorboat a personality
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
