I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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