Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
