i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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