I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
