you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
