Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Quick, to the slutcave!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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