The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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