I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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