literally had 100 drinks last night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
