I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
