A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
