Cold hands, warm shart.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
