Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
